Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
