There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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