Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
