It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am available for nakedness
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
