This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
