I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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