You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
