I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He kissed a someone with a penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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