He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
