So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
