im having a threesome with these popsicles
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
