You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
