i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
