wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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