So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
