she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
True college students do jello shots in the library
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
