i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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