wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
