pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize