Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
