Screwed.edu
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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