I cockslap morals
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
