I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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