wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
