naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
