i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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