who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
there is puke in my bra ... again
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