What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
