She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
