She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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