Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
