He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
