Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
