cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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