Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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