Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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