my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is the high leading the old right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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