I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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