I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
