Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have feelings that need drinking.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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