At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
