I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My feet surprised me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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