i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
