im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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