And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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