apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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