there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
