You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
