I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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