Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
