is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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