wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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