I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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