I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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