so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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