in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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