He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
