So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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