The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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