Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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