saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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