I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
