he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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