I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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