It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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