it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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