lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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