Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
