Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
