hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
