btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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