i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
