I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
